Personally, I do not think so. But this is a long standing debate, and we will not resolve it here. At the end of the day, you need to be confident that when you seek personal input from our Lord, that He will provide it.
At some point, you need to take care of the mother of your children. You need to put her out in front, for the sake of her and the children. The children feel the tension, and sense the discord. It has been said that children would rather come from a broken home than live in one. Perhaps food for thought for you. They also see the bahaviour of their father, and the response of their mother. I do admire your resolve and dedication- I really do! Your husband does not know the quality of wife he has!
Have you, without wanting this, ended up being a doormat here? You are being shown no respect or consideration here at all!! NOT OK! Perhaps your husband knows that you are not OK with divorce, and therefore he continues to act with impunity? Seems that way from your first lines above.
Perhaps he needs to read your text above? Perhaps an eye-opener for him? I hope and pray these ideas will give you some clarification. In the meantime, I am sure that others who read your text will be moved to pray. I will do that as well. God sees your heart, and is guiding your steps.
Whatever in this text is not OK with you in your heart… throw it away! Whatever remains… I am happy if it gives you some help. Our daughter was in a similar situation… unmarried, but physically abused as well as being in a position similar to the situation you describe… for 8 years. She is a very loyal person- she sounds like you in some ways.
When her first daughter came along, she realized she had to leave, for the safety and well being of her daughter as well as herself.
She is a believing Christian, and is now married for two weeks now with a fine young man, with whom we get along very well. God has turned her situation around in truly remarkable ways. Of this I am very confident! Hope to hear from you Leah, readers on this site are with you!!
WP Work in Progress. I believe in forgiveness with my whole heart. I have been married to my husband for 15 years. I never considered leaving him when he was verbally and mentally abusive. I always gave the good fight and tried to get him to understand that some things you should not say. That it does no good except make a situation worse. An example: I had two previous children from another marriage; they were 3 and 5.
My husband passed away and my new husband would essentially be dad to them. I sat down and we had many talks about him wanting to raise these kids.
I wanted him to be sure with his whole heart. He accepted, but not a year into the relationship he started to telling me we will never be happy because of these two kids. He never once apologized to me. He said I was the one that got married so young anyway and he would have never been in this situation. I told him once I felt like he was my Judge, Jury, and prosecutor. My last straw was trying to get him into counseling because of his cruelness and he went a couple of times, embarrassed me and the counselor and never returned.
Then I found out a month before the session he started having an affair with a women 20 years younger than him. It lasted for 3 years, brought her to our house, she moved to live within 3 minutes of him.
He told her he loved her. After he got caught he spent 3 months lying about everything. An example: I find out she lived 3 minutes from our house, yet he maintained he never saw her there, just at work. He has a personality B disorder. Told me how he has never been able to be emphatic with anyone. I finally filed divorce papers and that is where all hell broke lose.
I wanted my space to think, he would come into the bathroom with a giant knife to his chest and scream he was going to kill himself if I left him.
I filed numerous protective orders, he has broken them 6 times. Been in jail three times. He can longer see his daughter because of this behavior.
When I argue this to him, this is what I am told. We owe it to our daughter to stay married, we owe it to each other to go to marriage counseling, of course he wants me to drop the protective order. He says he has learned his lesson and that he will never do anything like this again. He deserves forgiveness and a second chance, at least for our daughter.
He finally understands what love is about, which is him giving me what I need, because he knows what I need now. He never loved her anyway. I had to sell our house without his help, contempt of court because he would never sign. He attends a batterers intervention class — court ordered. He thinks If I just drop the protective order everything will go back to the way it was. I would like to forgive him for our daughter in the name of Christ. He has never understood the turmoil and heartache he has put me and our kids through.
He just says he lost his mind because of everything I took away from him, how unfair that is to him. What does God think about this? Hope it helps you understand the minds of people who act as you describe. Then ask God to show you the way. God bless. Dear Pamela, I see that your original post is nearly a month and a half old, so what I have to say to you may no longer be relevant.
I am not a pastor or a biblical scholar, so I cannot really guess how God might guide you in your situation. From what you have said, many of his behaviors are irrational and aberrant, and some even border on the criminal. This whole thread has been about forgiveness. God can work incredible miracles, but your husband has to be prepared to work with God in making the changes he needs to make.
Remember: Your first priority is the safety of you and your children. In all events, I wish you the very best. Take care of yourself and may God bless you and your family. Being merciful is not about forgiving people each time they do you harm.
Then you should forgive and give them a chance. If they are so stubborn and stupid that they are not willing to see their mistakes then the best punishment is to leave, forget them and go on with your life. I am finally coming back to being myself after my wife ran off with her boyfriend leaving me and our children. It was hard but how long could I continue to hold on to this anger? I do feel better and I no longer hate her! Lindsay, What an amazing gal you are at I pray you keep growing in the wise direction you have been.
Lindsay, what you are going through is very, very difficult. There is not a one-size-fits-all solution. Usually forgiveness requires going on a journey with God with your heart and intentions pointed towards doing things His way until you are finally able to totally release the bitterness. Most of these quotes are pointed toward marriage because this is a marriage web site , but glean through them.
Pray, read, and see how God speaks to you through them and what will apply to your situation. I believe you will learn some things that will help you now and in the future.
There are even additional articles in the Bitterness and Forgiveness topic that you could also glean through. And with the guidance of the Holy Spirit as you pray, I have no doubt that the Lord will give you insight into what is happening to you, even though the circumstances are different. It will release YOU from the prison of playing it and replaying all of this in your mind and heart. But you may need to protect yourself from her in different ways. And with summer coming upon us, you may have extra time to read them.
The teen years are fraught with people who can be unsafe, while many are safe. It might even help you if you ever get to the place of eventually considering marriage. You want to weed out the bad ones and go with the good one. Plus, you may want to look at the other books they recommend. You may find one or more additional ones that would be helpful.
I saw a few, but I think you would know if they would indeed be helpful. I hope you will apply yourself to learn what you can about these matters.
But even so, we can learn from the stings that come from situations like this. I hope and pray you will. Get to the place where you release yourself from the cancer of holding onto bitterness. I was very upset but I forgave him. Ever since then, there has been one financial problem after another. I get stressed and voice it. It would take a very long time to name everything, but every time I ask him to do something about it he fights me and tells me my reasoning is stupid.
There has recently been another financial situation. I make a conscious decision that, the next time my wife Donalyn offends me, I am going to forgive her. Then, when it happens, I remember that I have already decided to forgive her, so there is no point in making a big deal out of it now. This really helps to take my critical edge off. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. Time and time again. This kind of forgiveness is supernatural; it is more than we can do on our own.
Particularly if your spouse has betrayed you in a major way, you may need to ask God for the ability to let go of the hurt and forgive them from your heart. But as you trust God to give you his strength and love, he will help you to forgive…even when your spouse has really let you down. What hit home for you in this article?
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They are ordinary Christians willing to step out in faith and join people on their spiritual journey in a compassionate and respectful manner. That being said, he was honest and upfront about going there, so that shows some element of truthfulness on his part. But I would also be feeling like you, how can you trust that nothing went on.
He still likely has some maturing to do, but if this type of behaviour continues, you can always choose to end it down the track. Trust needs to go both ways and when someone promises you to do something, you accept and believe that they will do it, so is a broken promise the same as trust being broken, maybe, maybe not, but when you rely on someone to do something, you naturally trust that it will happen, however, promises can be made up and not fulfilled.
He may have been put into a compromising position with his mates where he had no choice but go or lose his pride, which he could be too afraid to mention. You can only love someone who you can trust, but perhaps allow them a bit of latitude either way if that suits you.
Sign up below for regular emails filled with information, advice and support for you or your loved ones. You are currently: Home Seeking support Helping yourself and others Online forums. Welcome to the Healthy Families forums! Complete your profile Join the online community Community rules. Cancel The title field is required! Hi, welcome This is a very good question. Thankyou for posting it. But it is worth considering What matters is your standards and whether he abides by them.
This situation could benefit from relationship counseling. Lots to digest. Others might have different opinions. MissBenthos blueVoices member. Hi Peppa, As Tony mentioned it may or may not be classified as cheating depending on who you talk to and what their boundaries are. All the best xo. Hi Peppa62 Internal conflict can be a torturous thing, for sure.
I'll give you my take on cheating in the hope it helps a little: It's perhaps helps provide more clarity to ask 'What do I feel I have been cheated out of? My heart goes out to you Peppa. Take care :. I suppose there are only so many details that can be laid out on a message.
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