Paul 'Wrecking' Crewe : You are my friend, Switowski. Just finish your coloring book and go to sleep. Switowski : OK. Captain Knauer : [after Crewe starts fight in lunch room] Stand up Crewe! You think you can do anything don't you Paul 'Wrecking' Crewe : Really they all think you're a dumb redneck too? Paul 'Wrecking' Crewe : [Knauer takes a swing at Crewe with his night-stick amd Crewe catches it] You should really start cutting that shit out it's gettin old Captain Knauer : That's gonna cost ya Paul 'Wrecking' Crewe : Looking forward to it Paul 'Wrecking' Crewe : Why are there 2 glasses?
Caretaker : Shut up and pour me a drink, bitch! Paul 'Wrecking' Crewe : [to Caretaker after seeing his half-star violence rating] You're as maniacal as a box of kittens. Paul 'Wrecking' Crewe : [to the short cop] Now, listen here, Mr. Frodo, don't get short with me. Paul 'Wrecking' Crewe : [to Caretaker] Hey, let's have a maniacal pillow fight tonight!
That should boost your rating! Paul 'Wrecking' Crewe : [as he's calling a play] Battle, you're a psycho! Tony, you're a fat shit! Paul 'Wrecking' Crewe : [Crewe is being pulled over by the cops] Oh, man, here come the party poopers Paul 'Wrecking' Crewe : [On the last play of the first half] Do you assholes remember that play we practiced in the mud? Deacon Moss : What are you talking about? That was some schoolyard bullshit!
Paul 'Wrecking' Crewe : Yeah, let's try some schoolyard bullshit! Switowski : I'm sorry I brokeded your toy. Paul 'Wrecking' Crewe : Oh, no, it's a good thing! Caretaker : What?
Caretaker : [to Paul] Asshole! Paul 'Wrecking' Crewe : [after being pulled over by cops] Hey, you can finish that one I've got five more. Take care guys. Big Ears Cop Paul 'Wrecking' Crewe : Shit does happen. I mean, look what happened to your ears.
Switowski : [after Turley breaks his nose] I think he did it on purpose! Paul 'Wrecking' Crewe : No, he didn't do it on puropse Paul 'Wrecking' Crewe : Okay maybe he did. Paul 'Wrecking' Crewe : I will be your coach, your captain, your quarterback Brucie : You haven't played in years! Why can't I be quarterback? Paul 'Wrecking' Crewe : You're right; let's see what you got. Paul 'Wrecking' Crewe : Hit me; I'm open! Brucie : [throws wild pass]. Paul 'Wrecking' Crewe : That's why, now sit down and shut up.
Paul 'Wrecking' Crewe : You are my friend, Switowski, just, finish your coloring book and go to sleep. Why can't I be quarterback? Paul 'Wrecking' Crewe : You're right; let's see what you got. Paul 'Wrecking' Crewe : Hit me; I'm open! Brucie : [throws wild pass].
Paul 'Wrecking' Crewe : That's why, now sit down and shut up. Con Transvestite : What's wrong with you? Jealous because I don't cheer for you anymore? Brucie : I don't know what you're talking about, Freak show! Con Transvestite : Whatever, back freckles! Tucker : Paul Paul I wanted to let you know that I am your biggest fan and that I'll will be cheering my jailhouse boobies off for you on gameday!
Paul 'Wrecking' Crewe : Ok I appreciate that. Tucker : Paul I appreciate you. Paul 'Wrecking' Crewe : Ok. Brucie : All right are you done now? Paul 'Wrecking' Crewe : Oh, no, it's a good thing!
Caretaker : What? Paul 'Wrecking' Crewe : [as he's calling a play] Battle, you're a psycho! Tony, you're a fat shit! Paul 'Wrecking' Crewe : [to Caretaker after seeing his half-star violence rating] You're as maniacal as a box of kittens.
Caretaker : Look in your toilet, I left you a surprise. Paul 'Wrecking' Crewe : You took a shit in my toilet? Caretaker : No, that's what I left in Brucey's toilet. Guard Engleheart : If you have to cry, it's okay. I'll cry with you. Warden Hazen : That's a week in the hotbox! Joey Battle : Who gives a shit! Deacon Moss : The only game I'll play with you Cheeseburger Eddy : baby back bitch, baby back bitch, baby back bitch, baby back bitch.
Caretaker : That's a big ass robot 0 Share. Cheeseburger Eddy : It ain't easy being cheesy! Paul 'Wrecking' Crewe : [to Caretaker] Hey, let's have a maniacal pillow fight tonight! That should boost your rating! Captain Knauer : Do you have any idea who's beating you out there? This was supposed to be a blow out and they're showing you up in front of the whole nation. The whole nation! Guard Engleheart : I like it when he's angry. Caretaker : Yo man, that's my flyer, man. I worked hard on that.
You see he ran like a little bitch right? You saw that right. Team needs you. You should come to the tree-outs. Paul 'Wrecking' Crewe : [On the last play of the first half] Do you assholes remember that play we practiced in the mud? Deacon Moss : What are you talking about? That was some schoolyard bullshit! Paul 'Wrecking' Crewe : Yeah, let's try some schoolyard bullshit! Baby Face Bob : Do that sound again. Chris Berman : Woooooop! Baby Face Bob : [chuckles] I like that.
Caretaker : [to Paul] Don't give me that shit! Chopped his wife's head off and still got some ass! Guard Engleheart : Stop booing, people. Both teams are trying very hard.
Guard Dunham : What the hell's wrong with you? Stop acting like a damn cheerleader. Guard Engleheart : Sportsmanship. Try it. Paul 'Wrecking' Crewe : [after being pulled over by cops] Hey, you can finish that one I've got five more.
Take care guys. Paul 'Wrecking' Crewe : Why are there 2 glasses? Caretaker : Shut up and pour me a drink, bitch! Punky : [after Nate Scarborough decides to enter the game] You can do it! Get that old ass of yours in the endzone! We gotta win this game! Caretaker : [Switowski has him in a bear hug] Down, Shrek, down! Paul 'Wrecking' Crewe : [Crewe is being pulled over by the cops] Oh, man, here come the party poopers Guard Engleheart : [the guards are picking on Megget in the library] Bet you'd like to hit us, huh?
Earl Megget : [smiling] Hit you, sir? Y'all my friends! Big Tony : [reading sign] Foot What the hell's a tree-out? Brucie : try-out, you half a meatball. Paul 'Wrecking' Crewe : Huddle up!
Look, I'm sure you already know this, but I've never said it out loud. I did it. I was in a bad way with some worse people. After I did it, I felt so shitty, I wish I would have just let them kill me instead. So it looks like I'm going to get to know you guys a lot better because I aint doing that twice in a lifetime.
We got a little time left. We can still do this. I'm begging you. Put your hands in here. Ok, thank you. Who are we? Now I don't have to stab you. Brucie : [Brucie is about to kick off] Jesus Christ my saviour,if you help me out with this one I promise to stop cheating on my wife with black guys, Amen. Big Ears Cop Paul 'Wrecking' Crewe : Shit does happen. I mean, look what happened to your ears.
Caretaker : Ain't you guys glad you got a black man for a friend? Switowski : [after Turley breaks his nose] I think he did it on purpose! Paul 'Wrecking' Crewe : No, he didn't do it on puropse Guard Lambert : Crewe! I'll see you on the field. Paul 'Wrecking' Crewe : [to the short cop] Now, listen here, Mr.
Frodo, don't get short with me. Earl Megget : Y'all got a running back? Paul 'Wrecking' Crewe : Not any good ones. Paul 'Wrecking' Crewe : I'll tell you what bothers me the most warden.
That you're not coming to be out there on that field with us, gettin' what you got coming to you. Warden Hazen : Only thing coming to me is victory. Switowski : I thought I was your friend, Paul.
Paul 'Wrecking' Crewe : You are my friend, Switowski, just, finish your coloring book and go to sleep. Paul 'Wrecking' Crewe : [to Turley] People have said that we look alike, so I just wanted to see for myself. Unger : The blood of the guards is gonna flow like the rivers of ancient Babylon! Paul 'Wrecking' Crewe : That's good news. Caretaker : [talking to crowd about the try outs] This is our chance to get a free shot at the guards!
Big Tony : And how are we going to do that? Caretaker : Just show up at the tree-outs you big dumb bitch! Lena : Of course you do, Lorenzo, you made it. Tucker : Paul Paul I wanted to let you know that I am your biggest fan and that I'll will be cheering my jailhouse boobies off for you on gameday!
Paul 'Wrecking' Crewe : Ok I appreciate that. Tucker : Paul I appreciate you. Paul 'Wrecking' Crewe : Ok. Brucie : All right are you done now? Tucker : What are you just jealous because I don't cheer for you anymore?
Brucie : Yea I don't know what you're talking about. Tucker : Whatever back freckle! Chris Berman : Whooooop! Paul 'Wrecking' Crewe : I think Papajohn's their safety.
Turley : [smiles, nods] I'll play! Con Transvestite : What's wrong with you? Jealous because I don't cheer for you anymore? Brucie : I don't know what you're talking about, Freak show! Con Transvestite : Whatever, back freckles!
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